Constantly Seeking Inspiration

Photo: Longer Than Knowing

Memory believes before knowing remembers.

Believes longer than recollects,

longer than knowing even wonders.

Faulkner

Here Comes September

3 months left till 2010. Can you believe it? I can't. The year has flown by and frankly, so many changes in my life; consisting of  epiphanies, perseverance, diligence, faith, tears, smiles, gains, and losses. Man, this has been an eye-opening, life affirming year. Guess what? It's not over yet. That's right you have 3 more months to make something go. I have learned much, and I have taken some heart breaking times and turned them into lessons I needed to learn. There was no way I would have learned or toughen up with out enduring a little. I am grateful for those moments. Oh, and not to shock my readers with an emo post, but I just want to blurt out; "I forgive it all." I am letting stuff go. Delete. I sincerely believe every good action is rewarded in life and often we find ourselves giving to some who don't appreciate it. Call it optimism and hope that keeps your actions aligned with your heart.

Sometimes you are put in the position of supporting, cheering, and celebrating first. Because You believe all beautiful moments are on a divine clock for each individual. Oh well,No regrets. All you can do is honor your truest self; after all you know you best. You and the Guy upstairs. 

I have learned lately through my writing that I am an indeed a soft, yet strong person. I feel and I share. My life is a journey of expression. That is my purpose in life. To share messages of hope, triumph, humanity through various mediums. I am not a robot. I don't run on auto-pilot and only use exclamations points.

Not every day is super-out of this world amazing, but it is a gift and is amazing. It is amazing. Health, jobs, shelter, are gifts-indeed. That's what makes those days that we have to do ritual tasks and work- wonderful days, because they are part of the process. Your life started at Point A the journey to Point B is always a colorful one. Excitement, contentment, fulfillment, beauty; all is subjective.

So anyways, yeah, this seems more like an end of the year post, but for me, it marks a new beginning. I know I tend to be cryptic, but I like to call it private. Plus, I hope that my vague references can be applied to you too. Because our lives have central themes. Right? I am excited for September. I am excited for all the newness I am about to embrace. I am eager to explore my destiny even further. Yeah, I am doing the homework, [homework in reference to the student of life metaphor], keeping the faith, and sharing the best of me. The H and I are working hard, and can't wait to share with you all. September, You rock.

xoxo

Farida

Twitter:        @adiraf
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personal blog:  Constantly Seeking Inspiration

We Are the World: Fans say Good-bye

A little over due, but still not too late. I documented these moments last month. Fans, from near and far, say good-bye to a Musical genius.

For complete photo sets please visit my flickr page:

The Day MJ Left Us  and We Are the World

Make Turkey, not War

Photo: This is from last year's Thanksgiving at my house. This year Turkey is in the hands of a Newbie. I cooked my first halal Turkey when I was 15. I remember checking out a Betty Crocker's Cookbook from the High School library and hoping that I could nail it. Each year brought different idea, recipes and memories. People at the table, People missing at the table, Turkey cook-offs, and even Turkey tutorials! This year, I am blessed to be a Guest. Although being Host is so much fun on such a holiday. I cannot lie I am sucker for the Turkey praise. But, I am also a Turkey connoisseur, so it will be nice to see someone else make beautiful memories.

We have plenty to be grateful for living in this Country alone. Let us not forget all those who don't have or have lost very basic needs and freedoms. We don't need Thanksgiving to point out our gratitude. It's just another day, but it is nice to spend it with People and acknowledging in unison our blessings.

Let's keep India, Congo, Darfur, Iraq, Afghanistan, Palestine, America, and anywhere else in the world our Humankind is suffering; in our Prayers and Hearts.

-Farida


Here is a 2008 Thanksgiving Thought to relish:

If you look to others for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy with yourself.
Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.

-Lao Tzu.

Halloween Memories: Costumes

I was 9 years old and my cousins and I were supposed to go trick or treating at the Local Mall to collect really nasty hard candy and 10% off coupons for our Moms. Yes, it was awesome. I didn't have a costume. The previous years, I was a Desi Princess. My Mother was so original! I wore my Eid outfit. That year, I was lost. My dad took us to the local grocery store to buy candy and lo and behold in the produce section was my costume. I kid you not, a "Couch Potato". It was utterly mortifying. It had a place for my arms and head to stick out. I was a Russet Potato. Not some fancy schmancy Yukon Gold or Red country potato. Nope, I was the economy size potato.

I was not a skinny kid either. Basically I was a bad carb. Did the Mall treaters get a treat out of it? OH YES. Me, not so much. My consolation was a bag full of candy that at time had to go through security screening before we could eat it. Do you all remember that? Taking our candy bags to get an x-ray, and only receiving half the bag. Not because they were spiked with acid or needles, but because Mom and Dad thought they could ration the free goods over the course of the year. Oh memories.

Anyways, I vowed for that to never happen. The next year I ended up wearing my track pants and joggers and became Jane Fonda. There is so much subtext there.

Don't have kids to embarrass yet. But here is a picture of cat Goldie sporting her costume. My cat Billo is all black, so he just goes au natural. HA!

Happy Halloween!
Be safe.

Farida

The Balloon with Hot Air

You know those times when you are crunched for time and your blog duties take a backseat? Or how about those times when you speed read through your friends posts and say, "I will  come back and comment"? When some of us fall into that, we just slap a picture and a quote and call it a day. Well, I am going a step further. (NOT). Okay, so a few months ago, went to the Plano Hot Air Ballon Launch/Festival. Didn't have an oppurtunity to take alot of pictures, but did manage to snag a few night time shots. Something about Hot Air balloons, just make me smile. Here I was at 31, still in awe of globes of colors and hot air. I would say, there is a whimsical quality to hot air balloons. As a child, I remember  tying a message to a helium balloon and releasing it into the sky. Knowing that it will land somewhere and someone will read it. I don't recall exactly what exercise it was or what message we were supposed to write, but I remember it. Birthday balloons, celebration balloons, balloon animals and hot air balloons, all synonymous with fun and happy times. But there is more to that I believe. It's about containing the invisible space we live in. Harnessing some kind of energy that will release into the atmosphere. It's a probably a wordy way of describing it, but I don't think I really can define it. What are memories anyways? How do you preserve them? Pictures? Real time is real time. That's what's so attractive about giant hot air balloons. They define this "space". Almost symbolizing our etheric self. Hope I am not losing you here.

Which brings us to the quote part of the blog post. Simple quote, with a simple reminder to all of us. Trying to contain our memories, hopefully in colorful ways.

"Stop the habit of wishful thinking and start the habit of thoughtful wishes.” (Mary Martin)

Farida on Sisters, Parents, 8 ball, Misplaced Journals & Bread

It is time to post something. I have fallen into the habit of consistent blogging for once. Now, my mind dribble has a place to collect. Thank you Blog.

I have one word for Hawaii; Amazing. Wonderful trip. I was really looking forward to sharing the pictures and thoughts from the Big Island tonight. So much to share!  Unfortunately, I fell ill to a unsightly reaction to some chemical and have been dealing with the itching and redness on my sun exposed limbs. Not good. Also, came back to fall into the busy routines. Hope to recover and share soon this week. Hope to catch up with some dear souls too.

August has been a good month for Farida. I feel very blessed. I have never been known to have a million and one best friends. The old Farida knew a whole lot of people, but only fed the close connections of a handful of good-hearted well-wishers, kind, and intelligent People. The fact still remains true. I still have the same crew with a few new people I have befriended after I got married. I am not selective or snobby.  I just believed quality over quantity mattered. Real authentic people I can learn from, inspire, grow with and share happiness with. At the same time, I am all about networking and linking people. Shared goals, usually translate into shared values most of the time. Which then evolve into friendships.

I also, for once in my life fully appreciate the blessings of having a sister. A sister, that is not only linked to me by DNA, but is my unfailing, reliable best friend. I wish everyone a sister or relationship like the one I have with my little Sister. She is a kindred soul with a very realistic and spiritual outlook on life. She is 3 and 1/2 years younger than me. We are different in our tastes, but we are same in our core values and beliefs. She is happy for me unconditionally, and I am always protective of her. Sometimes, I dish out the hard truths, and she listens begrudgingly. Then when I need to hear the tough details and truths, she delivers without hesitation, because she knows its for the greater good, and for my well-being. I am not too proud to refuse good advice from someone younger than me. I always welcome good advice and sound wisdom from young or old. When I was younger, I never understood why my Mother and my Aunt were so connected. Now at the cusp of 31, I get it.

Siblings are like surrogate parents. Our parents bring us into this world, and once they leave (later, much later), we are responsible for one another. We have our parents in common, we have blood in common and we have our traditions in common. I get that now. I get that my Mother sees her parents in her siblings, and vice versa. It's a legacy. A bond, that cannot be bought or found.  With that being said, just like parents and children, there will be times of challenge and unpleasant misunderstandings. Because after all, we are human and we are our own people. At the end of the day, with any relationship, you have to get past those challenges and remind yourself of that cherished bond. Forgive the small mishaps and be generous with love and affection. I wish my parents live forever. But the truth is every one has a "X" number of years on this planet. So why not take the remaining years and spend them with good loving memories?

Sometimes, we have to remind ourselves, it's not always about "Us".

Day 29 of 64 Ways: Forgiveness

29. Forgiveness
There are more important things than remembering a hurt. Write a letter to forgive someone and move on with life. You do not have to mail the letter.
Feb. 27

Nothing is more liberating than forgiving someone who has hurt you or hurts in general that have come into your life. By forgiving your hurt, you are detaching yourself from negative. You are able to move on freely and start with a clean slate. It is indeed hard to forget, but when you reach a place of forgiveness, even the smallest amount of compassion in your heart blossoms into strength. I forgive all the people or institutions, groups or experiences that have done me wrong. -Farida

This entry is a part of the "64 ways to practice nonviolence" series. Read my introductory entry here for more information.

Days 1 - 23 focus on Personal change.
Nonviolence begins by learning how to be less violent and more compassionate with ourselves. We learn by building courage to speak and act with a respect, honor and reverence for our own being.
Days 24 - 46 focus on Interpersonal change.
In order to create a peaceful world, we must learn to practice nonviolence with one another in our day-to-day interactions.
Days 47 - 64 focus on Community.
Nonviolence challenges us to stand for Truth by taking action that honors the dignity and worth of every human being.

The Season for Nonviolence is January 30 through April 4th each year.

Beautiful

"Beautiful"
by Farida Rafique

going under again, underwater. my husband left a few days ago on a month long trip across the sea, and i am missing him immensely. As a woman who is always searching for inspiration and securing writing time, now that i have it, i feel stuck. perhaps its the missing or the gloomy weather that is lurking over me tonight. I could have easily spent a month in houston, but i opted to stay in dallas. Maybe because i still smell Atif's cologne, and our home, even though he is not here, feels right. i am not sad, just missing my man. We celebrated our anniversary 2 weeks early--because of his trip. I could have gone, but I didn't. I have my reasons. Detachment is good for the soul sometimes. It's like stretching a rubber band and relasing it, to feel the snap hit the flesh, to know you feel something, something great. Something wonderful.

My husband, god bless him, is my best friend. He is more than a husband, he is a good person. the kind of person, that not only works hard to live out his dreams, but does everything in his power to help me meet mine. I know, every newlywed wife/wife/girlfriend feels strongly about her other half--so this not new information. i do feel though, writing about these feelings is good practice for me. For my readers perhaps its another look into the kind of person I am, on all levels. Right?

Mashallah the good heart that Atif is, is beyond my use of words. They are simply not enough words in my vocabulary to convey to you the kind of man he is. What he does for me, how he protects me, how he loves me, how he can empower and heal my past wounds, its remarkable. We never made any concrete plans on celebrating our one year anniversary, due to many circumstances. My father is overseas, Im in dallas, and my mother in law not feeling well. I figured we would celebrate it when we move into our new house this summer. I know how important it was for my husband to see his mother and i couldnt bring in celebration at a time like this.

mini thought in a minute.2000

taken from my coffeehouse journals. Location: Diedrich's (houston, texas) 2000 January.

sinking or swimming has no effect on me.
either its wear a life-jacket or nose dive into the salty waters.
sinking
swimming.
there has to be an in between.
i never believed things to be in black AND white.
all OR nothing.
YES or NO.
i choose to live in a perpetual state of yes and no, gray, and surviving.
i won't drown in my own indecisiveness
two parts merit the same value
a perfect homeostasis.
a perpetual equilibrium perhaps.
for now.
i choose neither.
sink.
swim.
float.
dive.
hold on.
hold your breath. there's more.

sink or swim baby

today was a great day. no complaints. so much for friday the 13th
i feel like i am doing my part ....nothing is more gratifying then knowing, that even if its a little something, it is something to help the greater good...i met some more amazing ppl today. I got to spend some time in east dallas, and dt dallas...and even got to check out the State Fair.  just for a wee bit though, more as an observer! [www.bigtex.com]

i do have 3 exams on monday. majority of my weekend will be spent in the books.
my mind is a tad bit distracted these days with some new books i have been reading..one of course, is "Static" by Amy Goodman and the other is "Map for Lost Lovers" by Nadeem Aslam. I am flipping  through them and i realized, that I dont have time to do that!

I can't help but spend my free time reading everything but my textbooks. i guess that's what happens to ppl like me, the ones who take 5 year breaks in between. My study habits are poor. I am having trouble with time management and over committing myself to projects..I am still biting off more than i can chew with peace/hr stuff.

my heart yearns for that though. really ppl, if you have ever felt something super energizing, this euphoric high, knowing that, you are exaclty where you should be and doing what you are, its a GREAT FEELING!! you all know that? see, i had felt this before, and then i lost it for a while, and pray to God, its back!

I actually wake up in the morning ready to create new material, that is a good sign! then i am reminded of research papers, exams, and lectures..ugh...you know i have always been afraid of wasting time, but i am a procrastinator. i love BURNING the midnight oil. i love spontaneity and risk taking. I love performing under pressure. i hate papers though. it turns out, i have lost all my research paper powers. structured mechanical grammatical writing is scary. its like the big hairy monster behind the closet door.

Mix Tape: ending 9/10/06: irwin, nola, audioslave, crystal, babies,

yes its sunday evening...i have a paper to type, laundry to fold, but instead i am putting together a mix tape. a soup du jour of life's little moments this past week. a kind of catch all for the busy week. i like the format of a mix tape on sunday nights, it brings my whole busy week to an end and its great pre write for my other material i have to churn out during the week. plus it gives my faithfull and loving dear hearted sweet kind and sexxy visitors a little closer look into my life..life that i dont share when im on my soap box, my platform, my kicks, my empower motivational speeches, my daily affirmations, daily bitchings' and daily blah-ging.

and before i begin:
A HEART FELT THANK YOU to my subscribers and readers. definitely if you are helping this Mermaid out, you are in my book of FAME. My book of ppl to know, appreciate and thank one day, God Willing. Just spread the word about this blog, link it, and if its really inspires you, WRITE your own blog, COMMENT here, and if you think my writing in any way offends you, hurts you, helps, and heals you..let me know. With love. :D

KATRINA: how can we forget? a whole year and a whole population of families, children and animals, displaced, uprooted, ABANDONED, and left behind to waste away in fernenting waste, hunger, thirst and chaos. the largest beurocratic "i didn't get the memo" mistake at both local and national levels. DISGUSTING. mother natured capsizes another landmark and leaves the feeling ppl to do the cleaning up. I did my share of relief, but i don't know how much better it made those families feel. God willing i hope in some way a year later, they are all well on their way to beautiful lives, and somehow are coping better than they were a year ago. the sight at the astrodome in houston, was one to see--you can never look at another natural disaster in the same way again. I mean in the US at least. The quake in Pakistan last year, and winter before, the GREAT TSUNAMI  that enveloped masses is also not to be forgotten. Count your lucky coins that you are not in civil unrest or in coastal flood plain.

The CROCODILE HUNTER:
i am a humanist to such a degree that literally my heart bleeds for darfur, rwanda, palestine, iraq, inner city america, but when i found out about Steve Irwin. My heart just wept. Such a geniuine soul, a great energy. i never met Steve, but i know if i did, he would instantly be my friend. the kind of man i wish my children would get to know. just because he devoted his life to animals. yes his adrenaline junkie streak might have been a risk that i would not ever promote, but it was a connection he had with animals, that of course "don't do this at home" mantra would apply, RESPECT was always there for Steve. His goofy smile, his cute excited Aussie accent and all the animals he brought into our awareness from his work..absolutely demands a big thank you and a moment to reflect on his life's work. Love you.

from the depths of the sea

Edward Burne-Jones, The Depths of the Sea, from the depth of my heart, to the depths of my coffee cup. I walk wearing nothing but grimace and cobalt shoes to snare. I pick up my Styrofoam cup and look everywhere. I walk outside where swirls of leaf and giggles fill the air. I walk alone and sit down with a deep glare.

I look up; I'm capsized, to see what it is. A haunting that seems less rare.