Constantly Seeking Inspiration

Dear Blog: How YOU Doin'?

Dear Blog,

Lovely, trusty blog, how the heck have you been?  I love how we talk to each others voice mail. I love how twitter can no longer keep us connected. What can I say? I've been a busy bee. I grew out of some things. I would be lying to you dear blog if I didn't admit I did at times wonder if this blog and blogger friendship would continue any longer. Were we actually growing apart? Is it at all possible?

Dear Blog, I am going to give you another chance. You've been good to me. Yes, life is taking us to other directions and me to new creative outlets; but that doesn't mean I can't visit! I mean, how can I part with 4 years of ranting, sharing, and blurbs? [8 yrs of blogging to be exact!]

I do owe you a teeny apology. I left you in a lurch with photo posts and quotes. I promise to give you more attention. I will make a concentrated effort to post more of my choice rants and raves. No more one liners for the sake of posting. From now on our visits maybe few, but they will not be cheap. No pity posts.

I am going to give you the 5 star treatment my dear blog. You deserve it. [so do the readers!]Oh my darling little cubby space on the world wide web, I am going to give you a well-deserved make over this year. I am going to introduce you some new friends and readers. I might even redirect you to another blog I just created. You my friend, are in for the ride. You deserve a good swift wave of change. It is time. Oh btw, remind me to tell you about 2009. Ridiculous. Crazy. Lovely.

What else can I tell you? Maybe I can share with you my new projects and new gigs? Perhaps, I can dig a little deeper and share with you my epiphanies and light bulb moments since my move to LA? I know you loved the music posts, so maybe this year we can do video posts? Sound good?That's all I have to say to you tonight Dear Blog. I hope to share more in the future. Since I  am taking a self-imposed hiatus on ALL social media;  you can find me here, flickr, tumblr, or visit my "about me" and send me an e-mail. I welcome comments, kudos, suggestions, and correspondence from good eggs. Man, it feels good to talk to you again Dear Blog. Let's keep in touch okay? Life gets busy--not an excuse. :)

With love,

Farida

You Just Have To Be The First One

"You just have to be the first one. Be a leader, be the guinea pig or be the sacrificial lamb.

There will be a time when you will be the first one out of your circle, your friends or family to go through (for a lack of a better word) shit obstacles.  It’s okay.

You won’t be able to go to anyone for advice. I mean you could. You won’t be able to confide in anyone. You could, but you rather not. If You can't crack the code on your own; then you might as well accept the mundane norm. It is the journey.

You will have to make your own way. You will have to fight your own battles,spark your own ideas and fuel your own soul.You will have to unlock those doors yourself. You will most definitely have to seek far beyond your current state of being.

Let me remind you it’s okay. You have yourself. Because it’s YOU, you will overcome it. Then and only then, is when, you will write about it, share it, or perhaps even inspire. You will be the first one. It is okay. Be the leader. Be the innovator. Be the sculptor. Be different. Be You."

-Farida

File Under:

"You Can Quote Me On This"

NOW SHOWING: Gratitude Attitude

I am really excited about my new blog series titled, “The Gratitude Attitude”. As you may recall I did a series last year called, “64 Days of Nonviolence”. Following that tradition I decided it is time to shake up my blog with some episodes of thanks.

It is time to search from within and share with you all what I find. It goes without saying, that all the while I am giving thanks in my posts, I will share my most honest feelings with you all, with careful consideration of my private life.
I also hope that I am able to inspire, evoke emotions, desires, and self-reflecting moments in you.
If I can reach at least one reader at any given moment I will consider this a success. I have read books on gratitude, I have read blogs about gratitude, and I have experienced the effects of gratitude in my own life. I have also experienced the flip side of withholding thanks too. That’s why I cannot claim this is an original idea.

It is an inspired idea and hopefully an introspective exercise that you can participate in too. I will start with two weeks of posts simply title: “3 Good Things”. The last two weeks will be posts titled, “Thank You”. At the end I will gather what I learned from “The Gratitude Attitude” exercise and share my findings with you all.

It is important for me to also share the fact that I have never done such an exercise and have a spontaneous approach to each post. In other words, it will be real-time blogging. All I know is that I have 31 days to express gratitude 31 ways. Let’s see if I evolve in my journey. I encourage you to join me in this journey.

Feel free to share this series and blog with anyone you might think might benefit from this. You can follow this blog via RSS. You can follow the series with Category Tag: “The Gratitude Attitude”.
Also if you are on twitter you can ping me there, @adiraf.

Thank You,

Farida Ansari Rafique

Here Comes September

3 months left till 2010. Can you believe it? I can't. The year has flown by and frankly, so many changes in my life; consisting of  epiphanies, perseverance, diligence, faith, tears, smiles, gains, and losses. Man, this has been an eye-opening, life affirming year. Guess what? It's not over yet. That's right you have 3 more months to make something go. I have learned much, and I have taken some heart breaking times and turned them into lessons I needed to learn. There was no way I would have learned or toughen up with out enduring a little. I am grateful for those moments. Oh, and not to shock my readers with an emo post, but I just want to blurt out; "I forgive it all." I am letting stuff go. Delete. I sincerely believe every good action is rewarded in life and often we find ourselves giving to some who don't appreciate it. Call it optimism and hope that keeps your actions aligned with your heart.

Sometimes you are put in the position of supporting, cheering, and celebrating first. Because You believe all beautiful moments are on a divine clock for each individual. Oh well,No regrets. All you can do is honor your truest self; after all you know you best. You and the Guy upstairs. 

I have learned lately through my writing that I am an indeed a soft, yet strong person. I feel and I share. My life is a journey of expression. That is my purpose in life. To share messages of hope, triumph, humanity through various mediums. I am not a robot. I don't run on auto-pilot and only use exclamations points.

Not every day is super-out of this world amazing, but it is a gift and is amazing. It is amazing. Health, jobs, shelter, are gifts-indeed. That's what makes those days that we have to do ritual tasks and work- wonderful days, because they are part of the process. Your life started at Point A the journey to Point B is always a colorful one. Excitement, contentment, fulfillment, beauty; all is subjective.

So anyways, yeah, this seems more like an end of the year post, but for me, it marks a new beginning. I know I tend to be cryptic, but I like to call it private. Plus, I hope that my vague references can be applied to you too. Because our lives have central themes. Right? I am excited for September. I am excited for all the newness I am about to embrace. I am eager to explore my destiny even further. Yeah, I am doing the homework, [homework in reference to the student of life metaphor], keeping the faith, and sharing the best of me. The H and I are working hard, and can't wait to share with you all. September, You rock.

xoxo

Farida

Twitter:        @adiraf
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personal blog:  Constantly Seeking Inspiration

A Mermaid's Evolution Part 1: Eight Psychological Types

One of the first books I bought when I got into Psychoanalysis was, "Introducing Jung" by Maggie Hyde and Michael McGuiness. I highly recommend this book if you never heard of Carl Gustav Jung, and want to learn about archetypes and myths. I was lucky enough to work with a Jungian Psychoanalysis back in 2003. At that time in my life I was interested in making sense of my writing styles and other areas of my life. Needless to say, it opened many chapters in my life and opened my mind to a whole other world of creative exploration and meditation. It was also when I realized that my archetype was the "Mermaid". I am sure you have taken notice of my Mermaid fondness in my blog, "Take a Dive, Make a Splash". (You have if you have been following Farida blog since 2001 ). Seven years later, I am out growing the "Mermaid" archetype in my writing.

I am not sure if I will keep the title of my blog, considering I want to whole-heartedly focus on my new calling and central theme in life. Which, I am still exploring; this time without the guidance of a Mentor, but through my own writings and meditation. I am eager and excited about the uncertainty of the new muse/theme/archetype I will channel into my work. Only time will tell. You do have to keep an open mind however, when approaching this subject. It is easier to understand and hard to explain, if you don't already get it.

I am sure I will journal more about this process in the near future. One observation I have made in my life recently is, that how in some areas I have become so much stronger, and other areas where I was titanium, have softened up a bit. I am sure these lessons are in preparation for something greater. I can feel it in my bones, in my cells, and in my mind.  I don't share as much as I used to. Do not get me wrong, I still share my blessings, good thoughts, and wishes. It's those candid thoughts, the almost private thoughts, that I used to freely share, I sometimes miss. I am definitely more guarded in more areas of my life. The experiences in the last few years of my life have proved themselves to me.

Writing is such an outlet. More than a passion sometimes, but an expression. Whether or not, I have readers or not, the idea of putting it out there is freeing. Although I cannot lie, it is always nice to know I have readers. It makes it all the better. I like to think all the "matter" I cannot share concretely, I spread through out my writings and characters like layers.

Writers, at all levels are creating something from themselves. It is  selfish, it's maternal/paternal, it's proof, and it's a living testament of their life. Good or bad, a writer's mark is made with every punctuation and paragraph.
Words don't die. They live. Maybe discreetly, under folders, in flash drives, in leather bound notebooks, scratch pads and even post its. They live on forever.

More on this matter later in part 2. In the meantime, I scanned a few pages from the book. The book is filled with entertaining illustrations of the different psychological types. Take a look and enjoy. Oh, one more thing, you can click to enlarge the image.

With Love,
Farida Ansari Rafique

 

 

5 minute journal: Click. Click. Click.

*a quick journal post, on the fly.*

-Farida

Click. Click. Click. Switch- static-Click.

 

“Sponge”, me? Yes, that is so. That is what they call, Information overload?

Please make room for some more data. The universe is expanding and you are growing. Filling up space, it’s not hard, just different. Pardon the simple words. They are from the heart; they say what I feel, and nothing more.

 

Rhythm is present in everything.

Flow is beautiful.

Share some more? No mystery here, just rather be unclear.

Energy never dies. It is the law before it was a title of an album.

I maybe late to the party, but according to my watch I am on time.

 

Crossed off would be items. Met my episodic for the first time. Loving it deeply. Can’t wait to share it with the world. It is created. This is where I start speaking in abstract.
Not much fun to figure out. There is nothing to figure out, if there is no inclination to.

 

The past is certainly not part of the present. No need to delete. It is all saved in my leather bound notebook. All etched in my head. What I didn’t say has been typed out, and the lines to be delivered.

 

For the lovely souls I met along the way. Couldn’t say it enough.

What I have learned in my short time on terra firma, is what you give, give, give, you do receive, receive, receive. Not always from the ones you gave to, but in mysterious ways, ways of the Creator, ways of the Universe.

You do, sometime receive a lesson or two, but those too, are priceless; gifts. I think you would agree too.

 

Be who you are, and nothing less. You are one of the kind. You can only be your own best. The higher the goals, the unthinkable the goals to some—all the sweeter it will taste when you get there. Be steady. Keep steady. Keep the faith. Soon, everything falls into place. Work is not work, when it’s passion. Every step is a step towards a fulfilled purpose. Each deadline, each roadblock, is a new growth. It is an opportunity to learn and be in charge of your own path.

 

No one ever got to his or her destination without doing some individual work. It’s so.

Life is what you believe it to be. “Crunchy granola, anyone”?

 

Flip flip. Scan. Scan. Scan.

Highlight. Underline.

Type. Type. Type.

Read, absorb, read, time alone. Study time. Make it so.

You are a sponge. This is information overload.

Expand your mind. Grow.

This is indeed Time.

No better time, no past time, any future time.

Represent yourself. 

The time is now.

I appreciate it. All of it.

Really wanted to say this today. I know I feel this way more than I say it. So if you stumble upon this post, please don't glaze over it. I mean it. Thank You.

Why? Everything that has happened up till now has been a part of my process. I wouldn't change anything ever. All the highs, all the lows, and all the in-between times are blessings. One million and one blessings. I wouldn't change one hurt, one single challenge ever, because it prompted growth.

Am I being mushy? Do I care? Does it matter? Just wanted to thank every being in my life up till now. The biggest being, the Creator, and all the Love I have ever experienced.

I am truly grateful. So Thank You. Did I close a deal? Did I create life? Did I make a profit of 15 million? Did I see miracles? Every day is a miracle. Every day is a day that speaks volumes. A day that has added to my dialogue, to my characters, to my message and to my being. Too abstract to understand? Do you read on the surface? Do you read in between the lines? Do you pick apart paragraphs? Do you deconstruct thoughts? Do you peel away layers? Think.

Gratitude. Plain and simple. I chose to express it more externally today. Why you may ask? Why not? They say a smile is contagious. I'm coining gratitude contagious. Let it spread like a field of flowers. Let it grow in our hearts. Remember, (oh, and I remind myself this too when I need it) it can always be worse. Focus on what's right, what's in control, what is working for you. Work on what's not and keep your eye on the prize, your mind on your goal and your heart open to gratitude. You will never be at loss when you share and you know you are being taken care of. Share, trust the process. Share your good thoughts, your sympathy, your help, your ears, your smile, your knowledge, your job leads, your intent, your miracles, your wealth, your spirit, share.

Abundance recycles in so many ways. Ways that work in unexpected ways. Miracles happen over night. Solutions appear in your heart. Will stronger than ever. Believe. Your life is your process. Don't concern yourself with the popular vote, the safe way, if you have that passion, the desire, it will all fall into place. Risks involve faith. Win big, risk big. If you don't get the outcome you expected, it's what is best at the given moment, that will in turn lead you to other better paths. But it won't make sense now. Trust it. Trust the process. Share. Say Thank You. Smile. Keep Charging ahead. Don't despise small beginnings. Keep the faith. Keep charging ahead. Share. Say Thank You. Smile.

It's about time I share my feelings about my own theories more publicly. How life works (well, I'm student for life, so that's a work in progress ;) )How it synchronizes meaningful coincidences in your favor; when you least expect it. Those are times that you just sit back in awe, and say, "THANK YOU".

Wanted to throw this out there. A thought that I usually don't share, but hope in time you will see what I am trying to do not only for myself; but for others who are out there living the process, keeping the faith, and charging ahead. Good Luck to each and every one of you. Wish you much success. Remember when you do get there to share, say Thank You, smile and Keep charging ahead.

With love,

Farida Ansari Rafique

"You Do Not Hold Words in Ration"

I'm going to jump right in with my thoughts tonight. Here's a recent essay I wrote about growing up in your Thirties.

"You Do Not Hold Words in Ration"
by
Farida Rafique

Sometimes you find that what you learn in a short amount of time is more valuable, hefty, and revealing than all your life's lessons. It's a crash course into epiphany 101. Sometimes, you have so much of that to share with unknown friends and people that seem to know you, but there really is no platform or occasion to paste it out. Some of it, if not most of it, important for your own personal growth. You learn that how much your value is worth in actions and in words. You realize not all the time, every action receives an equal reaction. Sometimes you just find yourself in times of amazement at what you thought you knew and what you know now. Other times, you wonder how even in your thirties you can be somewhat of an innocent naive child; and struggle to accept certain defining truths. Cliche perhaps; but a blessing in disguise.

Time is never-ending, yet slipping through our fingers every millisecond. Here we are face to face with our deeds, our beliefs, our dreams, and our realities. Which direction do we go in? How much of our past history defines our present? How easy do you make it look? How high are your path to the top? How self-reliant are you? How much do you forgive? How much do you forget? How predictable are you? How mysterious are you? Who are You? Can you fit into a cush label? Do you seek to find your place in your brackets []? Does it matter? Has it always? Every body has a story. A story so complex, so layered, so different than yours, mine, the guy sitting next you, the lady eating across from you, and the person that just walked past you.

We say what we want to say, but not how you wish for us to. That is why we choose to speak in abstracts.* A code, a puzzle, a message, a thought form-still forming. When your head hits the pillow at night you know that it is your time that you are responsible for. You decide which direction to go in. How big is your heart? How open is your mind? How much do you believe in the power of intent? How much do you share in others' joy? How much do you console in others' sorrow? How often do you ask, "How can I help"? How often do you say, "Thank You." How often do you congratulate?

You do not walk away from everyday miracles. You open your eyes to the sun. You take refuge in air-conditioning. You sip from a filtered water pitcher. You do not give up on the heart's wishes. You do not walk away from a lost cause. You believe everything in this world responds to love and words of love. From trees, to television, to friends, to your Love, and even your Pet. Everything does indeed respond to Love.

You do not hold words in ration. They convey your thoughts. If there is anything left unsaid, it is not because there was not any time left. It is because there is nothing more to be said. Not such a bad thing necessarily. Silence speaks volumes.

Age is a label. Time is a measure. You have so much to learn. I read somewhere, "If you are not growing; then you are dying.". I will let You answer that.

-Farida Rafique

*We, the Collective We, as in Writers

What Moves You? : A page from a Mermaid's Diary

Dear Diary,
Today was a day filled with so many stories.
My mind is milling around with stories of real people and unbelievable circumstances. The stories are filled with fictional characters living real harsh moments. For me finding the shimmer in the collection of self-destructive decaying spirits seems to be an extravagant notion. The days of their lives not only test them but the Writer also. They test your faith, your existence, and your future. They do not explain; they reveal, they tell.
Do I share these stories?
The ink inside me affirms, "Yes, share those unnamed harsh moments. Share, those last minute miracles. Add to them your own ending."
The optimist in me knows the power of the written word has the incredible ability to foretell the possibility of reason.
A Writer merely is a messenger of thoughts and truths; A Reader, a Gatherer, and an Interpreter. Each one uses the truths towards their own advantage and utility.
What do I learn from their stories? Why do I keep turning the pages?
I am going to dwell a little longer on this thought.
I am going to gather more stories; come to better conclusions.
To be continued.

Still Continuing on the Path of Inspiration,
-Farida Rafique

05/28/09

It’s almost tomorrow. My body is angry from pushing itself. My mind is exhausted from deadlines. My heart is overflowing with joy for many and a little sad about others. My soul is optimistic. My cell memory is rejuvenated. My intuition is spot on. My faith is my rock, my friend, and my coach.

Now my eyes are sleepy and my fingers a little weary.

Saying good-night to today and looking forward to tomorrow.

All in all a good day.

Thank You.

Thank You.

Thank You.

Farida

I've Been Riding "This" All Week

Been riding this "thought" all week. It just makes sense. It can be applied to anyone. I mean you can apply this to lovey dovey stuff, work stuff, health stuff, money stuff, goals, etc. You get it?

I can go on and on with this "thought", this mantra that I have been bill boarding everywhere. Heck, I could have made t-shirts. Oh, let me tell you, it's not an original thought. That's right, it's shared, it's inspired, it's lived. Aren't all thoughts really connected? I believe in pure innovation, but believe thoughts are interconnected and inspired.

I guess I should get to the point, considering its 1:30 am on a Friday night before my out-of town Guest arrives, and I still need to frost the orange chocolate cake I made. A cake that will probably look a little lopsided but taste damn good. Because it's all about substance baby. Isn't it?

Orange you say? Yes, orange because it's a little unexpected, a little MOD, a little off the road. Even cakes have their own personalities. Never met a  Coconut Cream that I didn't like. Seriously, stay away from the Red Velvet, total hater. For real. That cream cheese frosting; watch out!

Yes, that "thought" I have been toting around with my other old found wisdom. What to make of it?  I am telling you, I know too many good beings sitting in their homes watching a ticker tape  parade. Pondering, wondering, lingering, and sometimes even, yes, even, dreaming. Oh no, not the "D" word! Dreaming, when did that become so bad? Who is the Brazil Nut that attached the unattainable value to the word "Dream". Can I wiki it?  The dictionary defines it as: a strongly desired goal or purpose b: something that fully satisfies a wish.
I think we should all be Dreamers again. We should all be born again Dreamers. Dreamers Have feelings too {put that on a bumper sticker!}.

Which almost brings me to my "thought", remember it's an inspired thought. It running through like minds as I type like bursts of electricity. The thought is zipping through the universe. (Think mini fireworks of neon pink and yellow, if you are the visual type).

I  must warn you it's rather simple. Not much to it. But, it's one of those simple yet powerful phrases that when read at the right time, it makes sense and puts things in motion. Provided the right time and right frame of mind.

"There is no better time than NOW. Go do your thing! The Time is NOW."

It made sense to me this week. It's confirmed. *Click* *Light Bulb* *harp*

xoxo
Farida

Sporadic

I hate the word random because it lacks personality. This is really a random, oops, I mean sporadic rambling. I also detest the word "rambling" but will use it to express my current state of emotions. HA!

Since I am in such a casual mood I will go forth with a list. Double HA!

1. I am so freaking behind on phone calls and visits lately. I am totally swamped beyond, beyond_____ well, beyond something. Last few months of '08 tend to busy for everyone. But I am usually really good about keeping in touch. But, no more. I am queen of tardy voice mail and e-mail.  I know my friends are just as, if not more busier than I. Which makes me feel a little bit better. I will call back, and we will play phone tag till New Year's Eve. Text messaging is great. You always get an instant answer. It's so dangerous.
2. What have you been busy with Farida? Tons of boring mind numbing stuff and some pretty excellent design related stuff for The H. Organized an Opening for the H, working on Marketing and End of Year gifts for the Team. I have always been a fan of design, architecture, and interiors. I am now a part of his R&D Team. I am starting to fall in love with  Development and am learning all the ins and outs of Design and Development. Will post pictures at some point. 
3. Remember a while back I said '08 was going to be the year of Collaboration? Well, better late than never. I am extremely happy my friend and writing partner will be visiting me for a 3 day workshop and polish on our previously pitched Screenplay. I am so looking forward to sharing the backstory about the origins of our creative partnership here.
4. I don't share as much personal information on blog like I used to. I guess for a few silly reasons. I import this blog, and well, it's so much easier to share personal thoughts with random strangers than people you know [know only, as in acquaintances.] I would start up a private blog, but that's too much work. Another reason is since my goal is to have a mindful blog, I fear, too much of mememe can seem self-absorbed? Balance. I read that somewhere it's important to share a little bit of you with your readers. Yes, No? Maybe So?
5. Lack of concentration. For real. I gave up diet soda. I have been feeling the effects of it. I never really had too many diet sodas, but I would have one Diet Pepsi Max around 4ish to get me going again. Before you know it, I am addicted. Now in withdrawal. So now at 4ish, I brew some Matcha Green Tea or Yerba Mate. High in Anti-oxidants and good for you. The taste is debateable. But, I am a crunchy superfood, healthfood, ayurvedic, homeopathic nut. Just load it with honey and lemon and you are good to go. Is it working with the withdrawal? Sort of. But I still miss the hiss when you pull the tab. hehehe.
6. So this is part of the entry when I share my not so happy-happy emotions. Rant about to start in .02 seconds. What is with people who totally appear in your life, your inbox, when they need something? Come on, I know you all know someone or some persons like that. Perhaps you are the one that only calls on friends only when you need something. Here's a thought. Personal or business world, some people have this thing called tact. I might lack it at times. Nobody is perfect. But, I would say, inquire about someone's well-being before you go straight into the favor, or at least follow up with a thank you. Yes, people who do things for others, don't do it for a thank you all the time, but boy, it's just nice if they hear it. I am so done with users. Especially those people that fly into your life for like a second and then vanish away.
7. Social Network pet-peeve. Friends who you add or add you but then never drop a hello or reply to a hello. What to do with them? It's kind of like this; If I had a party and I invited a friend, they attended the party and never said hello. Social Networks are hardly personal live indicators and should not weigh too much. But, ettiquette is ettiquette. Not that it's a party, but you know to illustrate some kind of frivolous point. Hehehe.
8. Either you do or you don't. Either you believe in sharing or you believe in hoarding. It comes down to your belief. DO you believe there is scarcity, and not enough or do you believe there is plenty to go around? If you give more, you will recieve more. What's your prosperity idealogy? Sounds cryptic? Good. If you get it, then you did. ;) Will explore this in a future post.
9. I am not a Preacher. I am not a Teacher. This will be the point I reassure you that I am imperfect. But, what I enjoy most about life is that we are all working towards our best possible selves. We are learning, we are growing, and we are progressing. We are all perfect with our imperfections.
10. Final thought, not mine: (you need a breather from my rambling)         "If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars."

Being Present in Other's Happiness & other thoughts

No title for this post yet. Maybe by the end of this on the fly blog post, something will be revealed to me. Let's do a list, shall we? A list gives me the much needed structure for scattered thoughts. Awesomeness. If this makes absolute no sense at all, then consider it an exercise in my daily writing. :)

xoxo
Farida

1. Actions Speak Louder than Words. But inaction speaks volumes.

2. At what point do you think it's okay to assume less of people? Do you know everything? DO you think that person reveals everything to you?

3. Labels are confining. I like umbrellas. I fit under the "Creative" or "Concepts" umbrella. Therefore, I take on projects of every kind. I love to develop. After years of exploring my interests, skills, and goals, I realized I like to create. [if this sounds meme, then be it. the new readers get to  know a little bit more of me.] I think everyone has their own parasol. People are layered you know. They are faceted.

4. Everything is possible. Everything. By the grace of God, your own hard work paired with your intent and desire of attaining that goal or dream.

5. If people want to share, they will share. Take a cue. Not too difficult to respect boundaries and privacy.

Flashback: "Miracles"

Time to time I like to revisit some of my favorite posts. A year ago today, I posted an entry titled, "Miracles and More things I think about". I wonder if my voice has changed any in a year. Or if I have stayed the same. It's rather funny, when I do read my old writing, it sounds like someone new. The older the writing the newer I become. That's a riddle to be cracked. Heh. I tell you something new, I have started to write in a more relaxed state. Just me. Structure and format are now out of fashion for this blog.

From the post on October 11, 2007:

In order for something new to be built, sometimes the old structure has to be brought down. When a tree burns to ashes, in time, new roots form in a familial place. Same is with people and their life changing phases and epiphanies. We grow each time something of value is taken from us. We suprise ourselves in moments of adversity and trials. We one day find out we are not the same person we thought we were. It comes as a shock to us. Although, all the signs are present. We drift into new friendships, new partnerships, and new attitudes. We are surprisingly hungry for knowledge. Unintentionally we seek out new information and take in revelatory messages. That all synchs up to the day we realize we are not the same person we thought we once were. So what happens? Same capsule form but a different sense of being. Old contacts may still innocently see you as you once were. Until they too choose to grow into a new roots. That is when they realize their self growth and come to appreciate yours. Not an across the board theory, but definitely something worth theorizing. *Farida Rafique

Welcome to 31.

Welcome! I hope your trip wasn't too troublesome. Come on in. Make yourself at home. 31 is a fabulous place. All around you will see babies, insurance policies, gray hair, ant-wrinkle cream,  and the effects of gravity playing with your joints. Yes, you have made it. Along with all those amenities, some of you staying at 31 will find tons of ambitions revived, a carefree attitude, an anchored self-esteem, and a well defined "you". Keep in mind, 31 does not take any responsibility for any of your attempts of reclaiming the 20's. Watch "Hills" at your own risk. Yes, 31 can be fun. You have arrived. If you should need anything during your stay at 31, please do not hesitate to ask. We have fully stocked your ipod with tons of youthful music.
Sincerely,
30.

Yes, a few days ago I turned 31. I wasn't looking for a birthday celebration or gifts. Given the craziness most of my friends and family have endured as a result of Hurricane Ike, a birthday celebration was the last thing on my mind. In case you have not followed Ike; it is crazy! I cannot believe so many Houstonians and Galveston are still in such horrible conditions. Not to mention, the stories of looting, blackout, and little food. God Bless the Gulf Coast.

Somehow, someway, a natural disaster brought some of my favorite people to my home in Dallas, Texas, on my birthday no less.

A few weeks ago, the usual friends and family, started to ask what I wanted for my 31st bday or if I was going to celebrate. I assured them, this year, like last year was going to spent in contemplation and charity. A practice I started on my 28th bday. (this is in no attempts to preach) I was no longer going to accept gifts of any kind from anyone on my birthday. This birthday fell during the Islamic Month of Ramadan. A holy month for Muslims who observe fasting from food and drink from sun-up to sun-down for 30 days. It is a month to reflect on the blessings we have, by practicing charity, keeping fasts and reviving our Islamic Spirit. Along with prayers and reciting our Holy book. Yes, I am a Muslim. A peace loving Muslim, born and raised in America. A Belated Ramadan Mubarak to my Muslim Friends. :)

So this year, I told my Sister, my Husband and my friends; If you really want to get me something, then do this: "Go out and donate to a charity of your choice on my birthday." The whole Pay it forward, recycle the good Karma, give and get more concept. I was so happy that everyone did that. We all got the good blessings for that. Any charity given during the month of Ramadan counts multiple times. If I am not mistaken, then 40 times. (Not sure exactly;)

So then came Ike. My home became an abode for loved ones, who were left without power during the aftermath of Ike. It all kind of turned into a Iftaar Party. (Iftaar party  is a party that you have to celebrate the end of a fast.)
Which then turned into a Bday party with cake and balloons. And those dear ones, who I asked NOT to get me anything, still did. They donated and they gifted. Wonderful people.

I must say, for not wanting anything, sincerely not wanting anything, to make a statement on charity, I was blessed with tons of goodies. I'm not one to talk about what those are.

I really hope this blog is not starting to sound too mememe. I guess its hard to be modest when you're blogging about your birthday. Ugh. Anyways.

So yes I am here at 31. I am alive, with my health. I am alive, with my loved ones. I am alive and with freedom and choice. I am 31. It's not 21. It's better. I got myself a gift though. A new lease on life. What does that mean, you say? Well, its an internal message, I hope to share one day here publicly.

I no longer feel the need to explain why or where I am at in my life. That's a plus. When people ask me about my plans, goals or babies; I say, there is a "Time and a place for everything." I actually believe it when I say it.

That's good. Although, some people are just nosy and should really brush up on their social etiquette..ahem.

There are few things I realized that I really wanted from life at the cusp of 31. One is to actually put action behind my sincere need to help the less fortunate. I think if I aligned with the right people this year or the next year, I might be able to actually go out and do some relief work. My Husband and I have talked about this before we got married. We really wanted to do our part and get our hands dirty and help people at a core level. Two years into our marriage, work and projects have kept us tied up. Hopefully, we will move ahead on this goal. I would love to donate my time to an Orphanage. I have a real connection with Orphans. I just can't imagine a child growing up without parents. Since, we don't have children right now, we might be able to go out and help a school or project. Who knows. The intent is there.

The other thing I want from 31 is to further de-clutter my life. Rid myself of toxins and toxic people. With that shedding, I hope to document more of my thoughts and get some things stamped, "completed."

I do know the next year of my life is full of exciting change. I look forward to it with open arms. I am less hard on myself. I am more accepting of my feelings. Sounds mumbo-jumbo right? well..

Someone asked me what my birthday "plan" was. I said, "To be a better Human." In all respects. Physically, emotionally, and Spiritually. Then they asked what my birthday wish was. I said, "To have everyone's birthday wishes come true."

Go ahead and puke. You have my permission. I think, there is one thing for sure, I am more mushy at 31.

-Farida

Palace Towers

Spaceholder..sort of. This is the Palace Tower's Lobby from the Waikola Hilton Resort on Big Island, Hawaii.
I am few weeks behind on everything extracurricular. that includes all my vacation pictures, project completion party and whatnot.

I am way swamped. It's sad really, because, I of ALL people love to post my pictures the minute I get home. Ugh. too busy.

My mac mouse that I use for quick edits in PSCS3 doesn't flow in Aperture. Can't seem to get into the rhythm. So I went out and [:() bought a microsoft mouse. Which is working a little better. just clashes. oh well, i don't have the time to be concerned about style. Before that, I swear I thought I had carpal tunnel.

I could have posted pictures of Lava tonight..but I needed some OOH and AHHS later in the week from you lovely people. Oh, it's not Natl. Geographic like; because the lava activity was low on the day we flew over. But its freakin' awesome. A life changing experience for me. really. (will share more later..)

Been battling serious insomnia. I think its the fasting, compounded with deadlines, anxiety of turning 31, and all that loveliness. Yeah, 31. Oh and all you people over 31, save it. I give the same lecture to people younger than me. ;) Yeah, so 31. To be honest with you, I don't feel a day over 25. Do I look over 25? Well, you be the judge. (wait a few months for some pictures of me, updated).

I have no idea what all this subtext is about. So just view the image and stay tuned :) Hope you all have a lovely Monday!

-Mermaid aka Farida

Yes, the water is THAT blue. Seriously, I was in amazement too. I guess being 2600 miles away from the mainland and pollution gives you crisp blue skies and cool aqua waters. Ah...I miss the Pacific.

Farida on Sisters, Parents, 8 ball, Misplaced Journals & Bread

It is time to post something. I have fallen into the habit of consistent blogging for once. Now, my mind dribble has a place to collect. Thank you Blog.

I have one word for Hawaii; Amazing. Wonderful trip. I was really looking forward to sharing the pictures and thoughts from the Big Island tonight. So much to share!  Unfortunately, I fell ill to a unsightly reaction to some chemical and have been dealing with the itching and redness on my sun exposed limbs. Not good. Also, came back to fall into the busy routines. Hope to recover and share soon this week. Hope to catch up with some dear souls too.

August has been a good month for Farida. I feel very blessed. I have never been known to have a million and one best friends. The old Farida knew a whole lot of people, but only fed the close connections of a handful of good-hearted well-wishers, kind, and intelligent People. The fact still remains true. I still have the same crew with a few new people I have befriended after I got married. I am not selective or snobby.  I just believed quality over quantity mattered. Real authentic people I can learn from, inspire, grow with and share happiness with. At the same time, I am all about networking and linking people. Shared goals, usually translate into shared values most of the time. Which then evolve into friendships.

I also, for once in my life fully appreciate the blessings of having a sister. A sister, that is not only linked to me by DNA, but is my unfailing, reliable best friend. I wish everyone a sister or relationship like the one I have with my little Sister. She is a kindred soul with a very realistic and spiritual outlook on life. She is 3 and 1/2 years younger than me. We are different in our tastes, but we are same in our core values and beliefs. She is happy for me unconditionally, and I am always protective of her. Sometimes, I dish out the hard truths, and she listens begrudgingly. Then when I need to hear the tough details and truths, she delivers without hesitation, because she knows its for the greater good, and for my well-being. I am not too proud to refuse good advice from someone younger than me. I always welcome good advice and sound wisdom from young or old. When I was younger, I never understood why my Mother and my Aunt were so connected. Now at the cusp of 31, I get it.

Siblings are like surrogate parents. Our parents bring us into this world, and once they leave (later, much later), we are responsible for one another. We have our parents in common, we have blood in common and we have our traditions in common. I get that now. I get that my Mother sees her parents in her siblings, and vice versa. It's a legacy. A bond, that cannot be bought or found.  With that being said, just like parents and children, there will be times of challenge and unpleasant misunderstandings. Because after all, we are human and we are our own people. At the end of the day, with any relationship, you have to get past those challenges and remind yourself of that cherished bond. Forgive the small mishaps and be generous with love and affection. I wish my parents live forever. But the truth is every one has a "X" number of years on this planet. So why not take the remaining years and spend them with good loving memories?

Sometimes, we have to remind ourselves, it's not always about "Us".

Layered

People, even blogging people have layers. i  was 30 seconds away from emo blogging tonight. instead, i decided to put a hold on my cathartic blog line. yes, i use blog waiting sometimes, I even send my blogs to voice mail.

I decided something else today. along with 30 years of lessons and realizations, I decided I need to share with my random readers and sporadic waves of new found followers.  share my emo---shuns.  why? well, because I am a layered person. complex and sometimes, multifaceted. I am not a "Stepford" wife that is "ON" all the time, that flashes my chicklet smile. No, I have opinions. I have moods. I have reasons. I too have my share of challenges. Notice, I used the word challenge. Only because problem is a word I decided not to use. A challenge I can meet and overcome. A problem is a nuisance.

Moving forward, I also decided to take my feed of off my facebook. Why? Well, it's a funny thing about human nature. The minute you start sharing your feelings or opinions and have something real to say, people [some people] have a tendency to internalize each message. Doesn't mean much to me, since I put out stuff about my life with great care. I don't finger point or name call. I don't share identities. I do share real experiences. So, to diminish any chance of venting backlash, I decided to retract. Of course, I am here. The blog is here.

A quick mention about my blog. Have to spit it out before I forget. Someone asked me what my blog is about. It would have been very mememe of me to say Me? Really, its what I like and what I like to see in the world. Mindful living, peace, love, harmony is what I would like to see. Cliche, maybe, but the truth. What I like; that's simple, everything else. Why do I do this? It keeps my creativity going. It fuels my goals. It gives me a soapbox when I can't find a podium.

I could tell you what brought on this post. but that would be too easy. too simple. I like to think you all are very complex, layered, multifaceted, interesting people. Maybe you can read between the lines, maybe you can hear a message. Maybe you can glaze over this, or maybe you can relate.

I think some of us are so used to this commercialized self-market world, that we become these happy go chirpy go high on life types with glossy eyes and permanent smiles without frown lines-people, that we close off our real selves. We send out this message of perfection. Everyone is walking around with plastic smiles and a story. Few share, few relate. The ones that do reveal themselves, as what they are, have this energy about them. That energy attracts closer bonds with like energies. Whoa, now I am going meta on you all.

I guess, the short version of that would be is, our challenges and our humility make us human. You don't have to go out and share your dark secrets or inner most feelings with everyone you meet. Because, that would be [let's face it] stupid. But, revealing yourself authentically in layers, as time goes on, is an exercise in self-acceptance and confidence. When we don't pretend anymore. We are so comfortable in our skin, that we can admit our battles, learn from them, and walk on with grace.

I look forward to sharing my stories with you all. I look forward to hearing some of yours.
More to come...

With love,
Farida aka Mermaid

Diary: 05-20-08

1.Ignorance is bliss: I was shocked to find out the buttery spread, "I can't believe it’s not butter" has gelatin in it. Along with select Frito Lay chips [Doritos, Cheetos] and some discount coated vitamins; are no longer vegan, kosher or halal friendly. Why must there be pork and animal fat in everything? Always read labels and ingredients list. In fact now days, whether or not you eat Halal or kosher, it’s always beneficial to educate yourself on what you are consuming. High fructose corn syrup, sugar, high amounts of sodium and unbelievable amounts of fat, are on my alert list. For me, it’s mostly about weight loss, but more than that it’s about eating pure foods that are preservative free. Ever since I started eating clean my migraines became less frequent. I have said good-bye to all canned foods and prepared sauces. I am happy to admit I have been fast food free for almost 4 years. I have also started cooking flavorful but less layered South Asian dinners. Just streamlined it a bit. I use lesser amounts of spices and oils. I eat more grilled fish, chicken breast and vegetables. I limit red meat to a few times a week-if at all. In fact for a short while [8 weeks] I was vegetarian. Even though, results are based on calorie, protein and carb intake; I feel lighter spiritually. My only addiction left to conquer unfortunately is carbonated light energy drinks. I really need to curb that.

2. Save the Drama for the Mama: At some point people need to start securing their drama in their own confines. Why not harbor a more mature outlook and tackle problems on your own? Why do people feel the need to share their dirty laundry in a community kitchen? What good can come of this? One minute you are low and chatting up a negative smear campaign, and 30 seconds later all is peachy. What do you think people remember? I just don't think it helps a person's integrity to talk smack one second and turn around and demand respect a second later. People won't tell you if you are out of line or that you share too much negative personal information-but they will remember. One shouldn't care what others think, but one must be consistent and stand behind their words. This of course is my opinion. I believe if something is troublesome, you are going to go to trusted peoples in your life for support. It should be limited to that select list of confidantes. Because, news spreads like fire, and if it’s the malicious kind, when in the wrong hands, spreads like a wildfire.

3. Tips are appreciated: I am very much a relationship client, it takes a couple of visits for me to feel secure with my aesthetician, hair stylist or nail tech. I guess years of working in the Spa business, I know what to look for in a good service. I also know what kind of wages Spa Professionals make. I understand the importance of 18 percent gratuity and what it means to the Employee at the end of the day after taxes. Gratuity is important when you are getting an intimate service done, i.e. waxing or nails. It's just nice. Last week I got the usual Pedicure, but the Lovely Lady I am accustomed to going to wasn't available. I didn't fret. What did happen was I sat through 60 minutes of a blah service. No relaxation, no detail at all. The Nail Tech was very sweet, which only made it worse. She was quite the chatterbox. I listened behind my novel. I looked and smiled. Right before the polishing of the toes, I look forward to a 10-minute massage. It's truly is the best part of the service. The massage was horrendous. I mean either my legs were numb or she wasn't applying any pressure at all. I sat there smiling, while she was slathering oil, and the whole time she was telling me about her kids. I felt bad asking her to massage deeper, but she clearly was in her own world. Many times her cell phone went off and she answered it. I figured, well, this is her income source; I am going to be gracious and let her finish. At the end of the pedicure, she asked me if I had any cash for her tip. Right out front. Of course I was going to tip her, but I didn't feel the need to let her know how much. I should have demanded a free service, since I paid for the whole visit. In fact when I managed a Spa, if this was a particular scenario, we would give a complimentary service. Oh well. I am nice, so I tipped-and now I just posted a rant!

4. Juicy: You know what I find extremely gratifying these days? Fresh extracted juice from my new juicer. By far it pales in comparison to my old citrus juicer. Now I can toss in a carrot, apple and pulp it till I have a glass of fresh juice. Honestly, when I am stressed out, I love juicing fruits and vegetables. I think it’s the sound of the grinder. Hehehehe. Kidding. Anyways, it’s safe to say I make use of every veggie and fruit in my fridge. You can do a google search for juice recipes. My favorite right now is Carrot Orange Apple Juice. 2 carrots, 1 Fuji or honey crisp apple, 1 Valencia orange and for a kick, a sliver of fresh ginger root. Served over ice it's extremely invigorating.

5. "Gone Fishing”: I am happy to announce I am not suffering from Writers' or any other kind of Creative Block. But I am opting to keep things under wraps for a while. I have placed my camera, my xh-a1 and my pen & paper, in the coziest place in my study. I actually am kind of resistant to document everything I do or think these days. I am also; kind of slow to respond on various social networks too. I am sure I can get into psychoanalytical mode and sort this out, but I rather not. I will save my thoughts on social networks for a future post. I rather explore and live without the need to document for a change. It’s so much more refreshing.

6. A Flattering Moment: I met with a bunch of young liberals last month at a meet-up. A few of the guys and gals were making introductions about the new people. The entire group was under 25. Imagine my horror. I am 120 days from being the big 31. The cat got out of the bag and it was revealed that I was a thirty-year-old hippie. To that someone said, "Wow, you look so young for your age." WOO HOO. It must be the diesel sneaks and the frames that give off the ever-timeless nerd vibe. I asked, "Really? How old did you think I was?" She said, "23". Cool.

7. Bundles of Joy: My best friend Sara and her Hubby are new parents to an adorable little boy Auzan. Mashallah! I cannot tell you how happy I am for them. My friend and I met in college, and she is more than a friend, she is totally like my Sister. I unfortunately, have not met her after the birth, but it is on my right away list. Congrats Sara!! May Allah always bless your family with tons of goodness and abundance. : D I will look to her for candid advice and words of wisdom when it’s my time. She gives some great no hold barred advice. Love ya'!

8. Light Up: Lately I have been seeing so many flickers of lights in my backyard. Fireflies [or glow bugs or light bugs] are in my opinion one of those cool sci-fi-esque God's creations I just adore. It is a pure delight to see my cat Goldie out in the back yard trying to chase the fireflies at night. Much better than the dead possum my cat found in the back alley. That was incredibly mortifying. I have a history of bad experiences with rodents and creepy crawly night critters.

9. What’s my Motivation: For a while I have been indulging in the idea of taking acting lessons. After reading, "How to Direct Actors for Film/TV", I decided in order to be a better Director I need to really be able to process characters like an Actor. It would be just a little bit easier to find that motivation actors are looking for when they are being directed. I was throwing this idea around for the past year, and it was only recently a friend of mine told me she thinks I should pursue it. Her positive encouragement really launched it. I guess I needed a little nudge. I have my moods and can find myself drawing out emotions when I read a good book or poetry. I figured the exhibitionist side of me has been dormant for a while, and I do need another creative outlet-a new experience. So, I am researching the right program or part time acting school. Who knows what this will bring? Whatever it does, I am sure it will be great for my creative process. I will make sure to tell you all when I am ready set go.

10. Passion for Fashion: Not lately. I was chatting with my girlfriends and it seems I am not the only one who thinks today's fashion trends are not very flattering or Muslim Women friendly. I mean, if you are modest Muslim Woman. Either the shirts are God-awful Tents with empire waist or then they are cleavage enhancing sleeveless neon explosions. I am so waiting for the current trend to change, because, I am not liking what I see for the most part. The good thing is if you have those classic pieces you can stay current with accessories. I am still buying handbags, shoes, beads and baubles. You can't stop me. I don't really cover my hair but I am very particular about wearing anything too revealing. It's a religion thing yes, but also, my personal style if defined would be minimalist chic. I like clothes that make a bold and edgy statement, that just give a snippet of my female vibe. Designers I love right now are Stella McCartney, Versace and Burberry. Why can't I find a decent long skirt for summer? All the dresses and skirts are only a few inches below the knee or mid-calve. If you're a Muslim Chic you feel me. I guess for now I will stick with pants. Darn Texas Summers.